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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28213536">Be Ready for the Good Things</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chronicles_of_Scout/pseuds/Chronicles_of_Scout'>Chronicles_of_Scout</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supergirl (TV 2015)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Hijinks &amp; Shenanigans, Injury, Minor Injuries, misundertsandings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-11 01:07:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>16,075</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28213536</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chronicles_of_Scout/pseuds/Chronicles_of_Scout</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Alex Danvers finds herself flunking out of her PhD program, rather than admit the truth to her mother, she makes up a fake relationship with her local coffee barista.  But then Eliza flies into town for Christmas and Alex has to find a way to merge her fake life with her real one.  It should be fine.  Christmas is the time for miracles anyway, right?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alex Danvers/Kara Danvers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>113</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Secret Kalex Santa 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Be Ready for the Good Things</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAlternateArtist/gifts">TheAlternateArtist</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Totally spaced on my new time difference.  Gah.  But I got this posted correctly?  Hopefully.  Idk.  I think I hit most of the points that my giftee wanted so, here it is.  Of course it's long because I'm incapable of short things anymore and it would have been even longer if I'd had more time.  Thank you for not giving me that time.</p>
<p>Favourite tropes<br/>Fake dating, college aus, music/band aus, ability swap, </p>
<p>Prompts! (Which will be more like ideas/guidelines, not hard and fast rules--we're doing multiple sections instead to make this more open!)<br/>First holiday, revealing feeling for the first time, fake dating, injured character </p>
<p>Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="WordSection1">
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>December 23</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">There’s a moment in everyone’s lives where they have
officially hit rock bottom.For Alex
Danvers that saying is almost literal.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Her bottom is more ice.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">More bleeding nose and aching body after getting whacked in
the face by a human sized candy cane.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">She lays there, people yelling all around her as she stares
up at the beautiful sunny sky and thinks back on how she’d arrived at this
point.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Thinks over the bad decisions and the stupid presumptions
but really?</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">She’s pretty sure it had all started with that stupid.
Fucking. Song.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">~*~</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>November 28</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>All I want for Christmas… is… you.</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Mariah Carey, Alex understood, was an international icon;
one of the greatest vocalists of her lifetime; of many lifetimes!</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">But, and Alex meant this with all due respect, if she had to
hear that <b><i>stupid, warbly, annoying, pitchy, stupid </i></b>song one.
More. Time.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">She was gonna kill herself.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Not even figuratively, she was talking literal knife to her
throat and a clean slice through her jugular so that anyone who witnessed the
scene would be as scarred by the macabre display as Alex was by this stupid,
stupid, stupid song!</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">It’s probably not the best impression one can make, coming
in from the snow and the cold with murder eyes and a red nose, but Alex has
just gotten word from her advisors that her grad work has been subpar and she’s
in danger of being kicked out of her MD/PhD program.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Merry fucking Christmas.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">So while everyone else was happy and singing songs of joy,
Alex was walking around like the Burgermeister, the fictional Claymation
character that had banned Christmas.Although, in all honesty, it’s not like Alex had been much up for
celebrating.Not for a few years now.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">The only thing she really wants is a coffee, several cake
pops, and to see Kara the Coffee Girl smile at her.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Not necessarily in that order.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">The food and drinks may seem obvious from surviving in the
hellscape that is college, but it’s the smile that Alex had really braved the
snow for.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Kara is… effervescent.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Even as Alex walks up to the counter of the very
questionably placed coffee shop in the middle of the mall, she feels the cold
from outside seep from her bones.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Such is the magic of Kara.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Hi Alex.”Kara says,
her happy voice doing wonders to get rid of the remnants of Mariah Carey’s
howling.She gives Alex a cursory once
over, “you look… cold.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Yeah.”Alex says,
pulling off her gloves and hat.“It’s
snowing.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Kara’s smile widens and the inevitable lip bite comes out to
play and stop Alex’s heart.“I can see
that.What can I get you?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">When Alex tells her, Kara types it into the register and
immediately sets out gathering the needed supplies.Alex isn’t going to comment on how gracefully
Kara moves.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">She’s not.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Instead she takes in the rest of the small shop with its
baked goods and cozy booths.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alex had first stumbled in here hungover and messy doing her
walk of shame after a gig at the bar down the street.Music may not be in her plans for a career,
but it sure helped pay the bills while she slaved away at her dual degree
program.She’d had a guitar across her
back, yesterday’s clothes, and a bad attitude and somehow Kara had taken one
look at her and decided Alex was worth her time.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Kara had given her a hot chocolate and a bagel—free of
charge.It had been both heartwarming
and disquieting that Kara had helped her like that.Helped her despite Alex being so freaking
pathetic.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">That had been almost six months ago, and Alex has been
coming in every Saturday morning since; the result of which was a casual
friendship between the two women.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">In another lifetime where Alex maybe wasn’t such a glorified
screw up, she could even see herself maybe liking Kara like <i>that.</i>She could see them doing the whole
stereotypical brunch thing, and going back to either of their apartments,
cuddling…</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">But Alex has long since shelved any ideas of romantic entanglements,
specifically ones with girls like Kara.When Maggie, Alex’s best friend and roommate, had first revealed Alex’s
true sexuality there had been a steep, <i>steep </i>learning curve.Maggie had tried to warn her, had cautioned
Alex to take her time instead of leaping right into it but years of repression
had made Alex eager and she’d paid the price.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Handily.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Besides, Kara is very firmly straight, and Alex is more than
happy just observing the adorable goofball from afar.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">On cue Kara returns with Alex’s order, incorrect as always
in the form of chamomile tea instead of coffee, and Kara fumbling with drawing
a pretty leaf design in the cream she adds on top.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“There you go.One
Americano extra expresso.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“You know,” Alex says with her own grin.“I’m a big girl.I can handle a cup of coffee.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Kara rolls her eyes and goes to collect the cake pops.“Whenever I give you coffee you bite your
nails until they bleed.This will help
level you out.” She pauses as she adds the fifth and final cake to Alex’s
bag.“Why do you eat these things?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Seriously?I would
have thought that <i>you </i>of all people would understand.It’s cake!On a stick!”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Kara’s nose wrinkles.“It’s tiny.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“It’s bite sized!It’s—”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Tiny.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“—efficient.”Alex
finishes with a scowl.It’s all for show
though, there’s no way she could be upset when Kara’s smiling at her like that.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Handing over the bag usually completes their transaction and
Alex is always careful to remain on her side of the line but inevitably, Kara’s
klutziness catches up to her.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">In true Kara fashion, Kara accidentally grazes her fingers
over the back of Alex’s hand, jumps at the contact, blushes, fumbles with her
glasses, mumbles something about “raspberry squares are my favorite”, and trips
her way into the back room all in one breath.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">It’s the chaotic sort of adorable that Alex craves, and she
can only chuckle and shake her head as she goes towards her favorite booth.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Time to try to dig herself out of the academic hole she’s
dug.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">~*~</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alex is about twenty minutes into <i>not </i>digging herself
out of the academic hole she’s dug when her mom calls.It’s expected given that Eliza is friends
with one of the PhD advisors and periodically checks in on Alex even though
it’s definitely against school policy to do so.Even so, the last thing Alex needs is to get Eliza’s friend fired and
never stop hearing about it for the rest of time.She glares at the phone for a straight five
rings before swallowing the fear and answering.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Eliza was nothing if not persistent.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Hi Mom.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>“Oh, look who’s answered.It’s lovely to hear your voice.”</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Rubbing at the growing tension between her brows, Alex sighs
and answers, “sorry I haven’t called mom, I just thought you’d be sick of me
since we literally just saw each other for Thanksgiving.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>“I could never be sick of you Alex; you should know
better.Now how is everything, how are
you adjusting?”</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“From the five days I went back home?”Alex asks dryly.“Just fine.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>“And?Did you give
any thought to our last conversation?”</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I’m not transferring mom.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal"><i>“Alex,” </i>Eliza presses, her voice taking on that tone
that always makes Alex’s insides squirm with guilt.<i> “I just don’t think that
environment is good for you.Max thinks—”</i></p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Any ounce of good faith Alex had held for this conversation
rapidly vanishes.Alex knew she was
struggling; knew that her GPA wasn’t quite up to Eliza’s snuff and she even
knew her mom was spying on her but to actually have it <i>confirmed?</i></p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Boston University?!”She asks, gritting her teeth when her voice comes out a little louder
than she would have liked.“You don’t
think <i>BU</i> is a “good” environment?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal"><i>“You’re not getting any younger Alex.When I was your age I was already working in
a lab and well into solidifying my career </i>and <i>my family.You need to start—”</i></p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Back at the coffee counter Kara is sending her concerned
looks but Alex waves her off.The small
encouraging smile she gets in return helps keep her from completely boiling
over.She hates that Eliza can get under
her skin enough that she’s drawing attention in a public place, but she also
refuses to let her mom just—just—have her way.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">So, lowering her voice, Alex continues and infuses as much
sarcasm into her speech as possible.Just for spite.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Reproducing?I saw
this ad for a brood mare, ya know?I
could totally apply and do that instead of being a bioengineer.Bet it pays better too.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>“Alexandra.That
is enough.I am simply trying to help
you but if you cannot be civil about this then maybe we should wait to discuss
this over your next break.”</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Go home and talk to Eliza about how Alex’s research grant
was almost certainly going to be taken away if she didn’t produce real results
didn’t sound like her idea of fun.Alex
was taking her academic decline to the grave.She was going to fix it <i>before </i>Eliza found out about it and
forced her back to an “easy” school.Alex didn’t need easy she needed—not that.She needed Eliza to know that “easy” wasn’t
the problem; Alex was just as smart as everyone else she just… she needed some
time to figure it out.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">And she didn’t have to talk to Eliza about it if she didn’t
want to.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">And she also had absolutely <i>zero </i>desire to talk to
Eliza about her love life or her “ticking clock”.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Yeah.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Not gonna happen.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Ever.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I’m not coming home this Christmas mom.”Alex says, forcing herself to relax by
watching Kara clean her kitchen tools.“Can’t.I already have plans.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>“But… you always come home for Christmas.”</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Yeah, and Eliza always spent the entire break reminding Alex
that she wasn’t smart enough, or girly enough, or sociable enough.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Nitpicking at every single flaw.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alex had enough on her plate this year.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">She was gonna pass.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Not this year mom; I promised my girlfriend—" the word
slips off her tongue before she realizes but she can’t take it back, feels the
small hairs on her body stand at attention as her heart thuds and the word
vomit continues. “—I’d spend Christmas with her, and she works up here so we
wouldn’t be able to come down to you.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Crazy thing was, she could easily imagine Kara as her
girlfriend apologizing profusely for not being able to get time off at one of
the busiest times of the year.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">The problem was…</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal"><i>“A </i>girlfriend<i>?That’s… Alex, are you…?”</i></p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Eliza didn’t exactly know that she was a lesbian.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">As in, Alex had never told her.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Yep.”If Alex needed
a reminder of how shitty Eliza’s disappointed voice made her feel, this was
it.Lashing out was to be expected.“Sorry to lay this all on you now mom, having
a daughter who’s barely scraping honors <i>and </i>who’s a lesbian?Rough hand.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal"><i>“I—no, that’s not—Alex,</i>” Eliza restarts after a few
seconds of uncharacteristic fumbling, <i>“you could be in honors if you chose a
different school.Sometimes it’s just
the environment honey and maybe BU isn’t cut out for you.”</i></p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Eliza says: BU isn’t cut out for you.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alex hears: stupid; failure; disappointment.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Noted.”Alex blinks
back sudden tears and quickly looks away when Kara would have met her eyes
again.The last thing she needs is Kara
asking her why she’s crying.Stupid tear
ducts.“I’m actually walking into a
study group right now mom, I’ll have to chat later.Bye.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>“Oh.Well, bye I
love—"</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Click.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Pressing her hands to her face, Alex wishes, just once she <i>wishes,
</i>with everything in her, that Eliza would be on <i>her </i>side; that her
mom could be proud of her again and that—that they could have just <i>one </i>Christmas
where they could be happy.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">~*~</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">In all fairness to Eliza, Alex coming out by telling her she
had a fake girlfriend was hardly a thing that could have elicited a great
response to begin with.Because,
although Alex had come to terms with her sexuality two years ago, she hadn’t
felt comfortable enough to tell anyone else about it.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">And by anyone else she meant anyone back home.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">So, when she was in Boston, she was her true self; a failing
scientist who just so happened to really like women.But when she made the trip back to Florida,
she became Alex Danvers: daughter of two of the greatest scientific minds of
the century who herself was too in love with science to settle for a man.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">The ruse was exhausting and honestly Alex had forgotten it
in the heat of the moment which is how that slip had occurred in the first
place.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">She’d wanted Eliza to get off her back about school because
Boston was the one place she felt normal.But she’d also wanted Eliza to leave her alone about having kids
because… because Alex’s vision of a family didn’t exactly match Eliza’s vision
of a family.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">So in a stupid moment of stupidity Alex had said
“girlfriend” instead of “boyfriend” and it had felt good for all of 2 seconds
before reality had set in and Eliza’s disappointment had hit her in the—</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“<i>OW!”</i>Alex
hisses, grabbing the back of her head as a hockey puck glances down her back
and the case of her guitar.“Seriously
Clark?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Sorry Alex!Nick is
still kind of new to all this.He just
moved here today.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">The six year old boy that skates up to her is all smiles as
he holds out his hand for the puck and Alex scowls halfheartedly before
reaching down to pick it up.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“You should try to find some reasons to be happy lady.”Another kid, presumably this “Nick” fellow
says as he skates up.“It’s almost
Christmas and you look like a grump.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Bah Humbug.”Alex
returns the puck and continues on her way to her gig at Al’s bar.Walking by the ice rink everyday had gotten
her familiar with the local kids and she was usually more amenable to hanging
out with them but this stupid holiday was making her more than a little
grouchy.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">She’d apologize to Clark later.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Maybe she could get Maggie to apologize for her.Maggie’s sister Jamie actually played on the
same team after all.Maybe Maggie could
pass the message along?</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">It was silly to be worrying over a kid so much but honestly,
Clark was secretly her favorite kid.Adorable,
cool as shit, and friendly?He was the
real deal.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Ever since she’d met
Clark, all he’d ever been able to talk about besides hockey and questioning
Alex about her music was his mom.The
affection was clear, but Alex had never met the woman because she was always
working.She didn’t even know her name.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Being blessed with two parents who had been happily married,
Alex had always felt a twinge of sympathy for the boy who raved about his mom
but never so much as mentioned a dad.Whoever this woman was, Alex couldn’t help but feel she’d have a
mountain full of regrets in a few years.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Clark was a really cool kid, and his mom was completely
missing it.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">For work.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">When Jeremiah, Alex’s dad, had <span class="GramE">passed away</span>,
Eliza had thrown herself into her work and missed almost all of Alex’s teen
years.They were years Alex would never get
back and years where resentment had been allowed to fester and grow until her
and her mom could barely hold a civil conversation.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">There had been a time when Alex <i>was </i>Clark.When it had been <i>her </i>idolizing
Eliza.Those days were long past now.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>~*~</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Things continue as expected for quite some time.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alex does her gigs and spends time with Clark which helps
her let level out from that week’s interaction with her mom.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Eliza has tried to switch tactics and was now on Alex for
every little detail about her supposed girlfriend.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">And Alex could have made her answers up, but the more
questions Eliza asked, the more Alex found that she actually wanted to know.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">So she added a few questions of her own to her small
conversations with Kara.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">She’d known a few things before; like how Kara was an art
student and how she was majoring in animation and worked at the coffee shop
and… well, ok.A lot of it had to do
with what Alex had <i>actually </i>witnessed her doing but in the weeks that
followed Alex’s lie to her mother, she’d learned actual facts.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Useful facts.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Kara’s favorite color is red, but not like blood Kara had
insisted, like a redwood.Deep.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">She likes hot chocolate over coffee, pie over cake, dancing
as her form of cardio…</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alex had tried trading broken bone stories once, revealing
that she’d broken her arm in a surfing accident when she was fourteen, but Kara
had apparently never broken a bone in her life.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">No major illnesses but she <i>is </i>allergic to wine which,
she confides to Alex, really puts a damper on her dates when her dating partner
thinks she’s being stuck up.Alex tells
her that her dating partner should take her health more seriously than their
perceived ego and gets a cute blush and bitten lip in return.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">And, also, Kara really really enjoys the Christmas music
that plays in the mall.When Alex had
grumpily admitted that she hates Mariah Carey because of her Christmas music,
it had set off two things:Kara laughing
at her for five minutes straight, and a wonderfully long conversation on the
merits of holiday music that had left Alex tingling afterwards.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">All in all, Alex’s social life had seen vast improvements
ever since Eliza had decided to get to know Kara better and thus forced Alex to
do the same.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alas, Alex’s schoolwork is still circling the drain; it’s
actually gotten worse.It’s almost as if
the happier Alex gets in her social life, the more depressed she gets by simply
<i>looking </i>at her assignments.Trying to care about calculations and Avogadro’s number was all well and
good when it was a project that <i>Alex </i>had thought up.Her science projects of old had all been
radical ideas to her teenage mind that had landed her awards at science fairs
and national competitions alike.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">But her advisor wanted her to grind through research that
was hundreds of years old; projects that had already been proven, just to prove
her own unproven theories.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">There was no excitement in it.No risk and thus no reward.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alex was, in a word, bored.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">And she couldn’t get herself to focus on her assignments
because they bored her; and because she couldn’t focus everything was a million
times harder than what she would have expected.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">The only lifeline that had been given to her was a probation
of sorts.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Prove her research was viable by the end of the winter
recess and she could keep her spot in the program.Otherwise she was out.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Good thing she’d already shot Eliza down for the holiday.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">There were days her mom still asked her to reconsider but
Alex always brought up Kara and gave her some sappy detail about her fake
relationship and Eliza would get real quiet and eventually hang up.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">It wasn’t the best exchange but… well, Alex was used to not
getting what she wanted by now.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">~*~</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Hey Alex,” Clark calls out as she hurries past the ice
rink.“We have a game coming up soon.You should come!”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I’ll check my schedule.”Alex says as she waves at him.It’s
not the first time Clark has invited her, nor the first time Alex has blown him
off.She’d feel worse about it if her
life weren’t such shit already.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Feels a little bit worse when Clark drops his shoulders in
disappointment.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I’ll see what I can do.”She promises and means it.“I swear
I’ll try this time.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Ok.”Clark perks up
immediately and gives her a happy wave as she rushes off.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“You should appreciate the time you have lady!”Nick yells across the ice.“It’s not gonna last forever.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I’ll keep that in mind Saint Nick.”Alex calls back sarcastically.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Nick salutes her with his oversized hockey stick,
overbalances, and lands on his ass.Alex
laughs all the way to the mall.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">~*~</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“So your professor has you working all winter?”Kara asks as she foams a drink for her
customer.Alex is standing by the
counter with her a cup of tea, keeping out of the way but enjoying the newfound
ability to talk to Kara while she worked.“What a Grinch!”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Shrugging, Alex takes a small sip of her drink, watching
Kara sprinkle something into the customer’s cup and then use a toothpick to
draw a design.She doesn’t even try to
fight the grin that the action inspires.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“It’s fair.I need to
take my studies more seriously.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“If you took them anymore seriously, you’d be a
shut-in.All you ever do is study.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Not true.”Alex
says, nose wrinkling in distaste.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Kara hands over the drink with a smile, her customer
thanking her and walking away happily.He was the last in the line, so Kara is able to give Alex her full
attention.Raised eyebrow and all.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Oh?What else do you
do?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I…”Well… “I…um…”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“You…?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Music!</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I play gigs at the bar down the street; Al’s.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Kara scoffs.“You
said that was for money; it doesn’t count.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Does too!”Alex
huffs, rolling her shoulders.“Just
‘cause it keeps me paid doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy it.I <i>like </i>playing music.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Oh yeah?”Kara seems
genuinely intrigued, even leaning over the counter on her forearms with a
delighted smile on her face.“Will you
sing for me?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“No!Not—I mean… I,
well… you should…”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“When’s your next show?I’d love to come see you play.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Why?”Alex asks
suspiciously.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Because you just lit up when you mentioned your music.I’ve never seen that look before.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">If Alex was anyone else, this interaction would have totally
thrown her off her game but luckily, she lives with her very first lesbian
crush so this—Kara showing an interest in her music—was a cake walk.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I actually have a lot more shows coming up because of the
holiday.M’gann has me booked solid.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“So, a scientist by day and a musician by night.”Kara wiggles her eyebrows.“The plot thickens.What’s your endgame?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alex laughs, an uncomfortable feeling settling in her chest
for some reason.It’s not like she
didn’t know her endgame.She’d known it
her whole life.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Endgame is bioengineer; specifically, I want to work on
bionic organs and limbs.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Wow!”Kara nods
slowly, her eyebrows lost in her hairline now as her eyes widen.“Well now I just think you’re a showoff.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“What?!”Alex balks,
a laugh tickling the ends of her words.“Why?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Bionic <i>organs</i>?Really?All I’m doing is learning
how to make my drawings move.<i>You’re </i>changing
the world!” </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“<i>Happiness lies in the joy of achievement and the thrill
of creative effort.</i>”Alex says.“Roosevelt: as long as your happy with what
you’re doing and it excites you, you’re on the right track.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Kara nods, considering.“Are you?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Am I what?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Happy with what you’re doing?Does the bionic organs thing excite you?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">It should be an easy answer, a simple ‘yes’ should have
sufficed but instead Alex finds herself caught.Speechless; left standing and gaping unable to do much more than try not
to look like an idiot.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">She’s saved from her predicament by a horde of people
dressed as Santa barging joyfully into the shop, bellowing “ho, ho, ho’s” and
“merry Christmas’s”.They bound up to
the counter with all the exuberance that Alex despises about the holiday and
it’s enough of an excuse for her to give Kara a wry smile and lift her cup in
salute.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Wait!”Kara stops
her before she can leave, grabbing a napkin and jotting something down as the
Santa’s read over the menu.“Take my
number and let me know when your next show is.I really am serious about going.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Oh, uh—” One of the Santa’s lets out a suggestive whistle and
Alex fights her blush as she backs out of the store.“I’ll call you.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">There’s the smile, and the lip bite, and that cute little
awkward glance.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Shit.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I look forward to it.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">~*~</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alex starts with texting because she’s a bit awkward but
graduates to calls easily enough.Despite how ruffled their last interaction had left her, Alex still feels
relatively comfortable in Kara’s company. </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Unfortunately, the boost to her social life does little to
save her from tanking her latest presentation.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Maggie takes her out for a drink after.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Solidarity she claims even though Maggie’s already well out
of the school at this point and is a rookie detective trying to prove herself worthy
of the badge.It means she’s an
excellent roommate, late <span class="GramE">nights</span> and early morning
shifts.Alex barely sees her so this—the
whole taking Alex out to wallow—very appreciated.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Still, Alex doesn’t want to talk about her grades and Maggie
is a bit of a chatter box in her opinion, so she redirects the conversation to
Kara.Specifically: if Maggie could
figure out Kara’s skeletons.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">In her defense, Alex had already been three sheets to the
wind and was pissed enough to wonder how someone as perfect as Kara could even <i>exist.</i>There had to be something there.And Maggie was a competitive asshole who was <i>not
</i>drunk enough to take Alex up on this challenge.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Let the girl live Danvers.I’m not compromising my badge because you’re too much of a pussy to
confront your feelings.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alex had flipped her off and Maggie had ordered them another
round of shots.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">But winter in Boston means that it’s snowing, and they have
to stumble, shitfaced, back to their apartment which is an experience.Alex somehow manages to flop onto her bed
face first, hears Maggie groan in relief from her own room and then it’s lights
out.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">When she wakes up her sheets are damp, her clothes are damp
and there are puddles of melted snow on her floor.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">None of that had roused her from her sleep.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">At first she’d thought she was dreaming but no, there was
someone knocking at her door.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Fuck’s sake.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Bleary eyed and hungover, Alex heaves her body up and
stumbles blindly to the entrance.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">She doesn’t ask who it is.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Doesn’t look through the peep hole.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">She opens the door expecting a package or something but
instead, standing in her doorway is Dr. Eliza Danvers wearing an obviously
brand new winter coat and a wide smile.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">For fuck’s sake!</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">~*~</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Was that Kara?”Eliza asks, stepping forward in the line and taking in the overly
decorated rental office with apt curiosity.“On your couch I mean.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“No mom.”Alex sighs,
trying very hard not to be grumpy.It’s
ten a.m. on a day she was supposed to be off but instead she’s hungover waiting
in line for her mother’s rental car.Being grumpy is kind of her default right now.“That was Maggie.My roommate.” </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Oh good.I was
worried you were making your girlfriend sleep on the couch.”Alex almost bumps into her mother when Eliza
suddenly goes rigged and spins on her with wide eyes.“Not that I’m saying you have to sleep with
her.Everyone moves in their own time and—”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Mom.It’s fine.It wasn’t her and I wouldn’t make my
girlfriend sleep on the couch.I’m not a
neanderthal.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Good.”Eliza nods
and mumbles again, almost to herself, “good.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">The line is kind of just being held up so Alex nods too and
takes a long drink from the coffee cup in her hand.Not from Kara’s stand because she was going
to be avoiding the hell out of that place until Eliza went home.The coffee itself is fine anyway, it hadn’t
made her morning any better but at least she’s more alert and her head doesn’t
feel stuffed with cotton.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">She joins Eliza in taking in the decorations.The office is that bright office white which
does absolutely nothing to enhance the faux green garland and wreaths that hang
along the ceiling and drip down the walls.There is a fake tree dusted in fake snow with fake gift boxes in the
corner.The entire thing screams <i>useless
</i>in Alex’s mind.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Partnered with the awkward and completely unexpected arrival
of her mother, Alex has to say that this Christmas is shaping up to be one of
the bad ones.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Not that there had been many good ones.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Or any.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Not since she’d lost her dad.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Another pull of the just-fine-coffee.A glance back at the reception desk to get
her mind as far away from that path as possible.A cursory once over of Kara in blue coveralls
chatting with the desk agent.Alex grins
and takes another drink; leave it to Kara to have dirt smudged on her fore—</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>Spftt!</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Coffee goes everywhere, mostly on Eliza as Alex finally
realizes that Kara is here.Kara is here
and Kara has seen her and is looking at her with that amused half grin, half
bitten lip, all dazzling eyes look.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Shit.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>Fuck.</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Alex!”Eliza yelps,
swiping at her coat sleeve and the droplets of liquid Alex had left
behind.“What on earth is wrong with
you?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I—” Alex can’t even think of an excuse, so she grabs her
mother’s wrist and tries to tug her away even though Eliza shows no signs of
budging.“We should go.Let’s just go.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">But it would seem her fate is already sealed because Kara
walks over to them with a handful of paper towels that she holds out to Eliza.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Here you go ma’am.That looked like a bit of a mess.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Thank you.”Eliza
says gratefully, accepting the tissues and proceeding to clean herself.“That’s very kind of you.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Kara shrugs and shoots Alex, who can’t seem to move any part
of her body, another grin.“Tis the season,
right?Are you Alex’s mom?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">That makes Eliza pause; makes her glance between Alex and
Kara with calculating eyes.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I am.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“It’s a pleasure to meet you.”Kara says and holds out her hand.Alex feels her heart stop.“I’m—”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Busy!”Alex blurts
out, startling everyone involved and a few of the other patrons to boot.She giggles nervously and, wrapping an arm
around Kara, starts tugging her away.“She’s busy!Oh, look mom, it’s
your turn!Be back in a minute!”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Dragging Kara to a corner is much easier than it had been to
move Eliza, but Alex is still a little panicky because this was literally her
worst case scenario and now it was happening.And Eliza had preordered her car which meant that counter transaction
wasn’t going to take long at all and—was that <i>oil</i>?</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Why do you smell like oil?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I was doing an oil change.”Kara says with clear confusion, eyes darting between both of
Alex’s.“Are you ok?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Because clearly what had just happened was weird and Alex
being so close to hyperventilating was even more so.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I—fuck.Ok.Shit.”Alex gnaws on her thumb nail until Kara grabs her hands and forces her
to look up.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">To look into serious blue eyes that ground her in seconds.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Talk to me.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Eliza is literally swiping her card now—Alex is out of time.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I’mabouttolosemyresearchgrantificantprovemytheoryofnueronreceptionbeing
computerprogrammableandididntwantmymomtoknowbutshewouldn’tleavemealoneaboutthebreaksoitoldheriwasspeningchristmaswithmygirlfriendbutimreallydoingextraresearch.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Kara’s eyes narrow.“Ok.”She nods slowly,
considering.“I think I got most of that
but that doesn’t seem too bad.Your mom
came up to see you.”Kara says, grinning
in excitement.“Just introduce her to
your girlfriend while she’s up here.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">As Eliza leaves the counter and walks towards them, Alex
feels her stomach sink to her feet.No
time; no options.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Please don’t hate me.”She whispers, seconds before she grabs Kara’s face and tugs her into a
kiss.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Unsurprisingly, Kara’s lips are soft and pillowy and feel
like little sheets of satin.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Unsurprisingly, Kara tastes sweet and kind of like fresh air
or snow if that made any sense.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Unsurprisingly, Alex really liked kissing Kara.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal"><i>Surprisingly, </i>Kara didn’t push her away; instead, her
hands fisted in Alex’s coat and <i>pulled</i>.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal"><i>Surprisingly, </i>Kara didn’t push her away; instead, she
kisses her back and swipes a tongue over Alex’s bottom lip.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal"><i>Surprisingly, </i>Kara didn’t pull away.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">She stayed.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">She kissed her back.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">A throat clearing to her left startles Alex back to reality
and she has all of a second to see Kara’s dazed but achingly <i>something</i>
eyes dart between her own before she’s pulled back enough to see Eliza.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“So,” her mom says eagerly holding out her hand again.“<i>You’re </i>Kara.It’s a pleasure to meet you as well.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">~*~</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal"><i>“You told her </i>I<i> was your girlfriend?”</i></p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alex huffs and collapses backwards on her bed in
frustration.“I’m sorry.I panicked.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">After Alex had kissed Kara and Eliza had come over all
overly pleasant, Alex had had an out of body experience.She knows Kara had fumbled a bit in shock but
the Other Alex, she had stepped in smooth as butter.The Other Alex had introduced them effortlessly,
had spouted some BS story about not having expected them to meet so soon.And Kara—bless her golden heart Kara—had
just… gone along with it. </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">There had been an undeniable tension sure.A certain cast over her smile and rigidness
in her spine, but nothing Eliza had caught onto.After a quick introduction, Kara’s boss—her
mechanic boss, not her coffee shop boss because apparently Kara worked more
than one job—had interrupted them and asked Kara to get back to work.Another blessing.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">So it had just been Alex and Eliza and Eliza had seemed
happy enough to do most of the talking.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">About how beautiful Kara’s eyes were; they were, Alex can
grudgingly admit. A really, <i>really </i>blue blue.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">About how polite and kind she seemed; if only Eliza knew how
nice Kara was.How ridiculously perfect.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Eliza had even commented on Kara being a mechanic because
honestly, female mechanics were still a rare sight.And, if Alex is being even more honest with
herself, seeing Kara in grease stained coveralls, a smudge of black oil on her
cheek, that had been kind of hot.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Slightly.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Nothing to write home about.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">So Alex had let Eliza drone on about Kara all the drive back
to her apartment and expected it to be done with.Eliza, however, was still Eliza and wanted to
“know more about this girl that’s captured your heart.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Gross.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Which led Alex to this moment.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal"><i>“I don’t understand</i>.”Kara whispers through the phone.Alex can just imagine the lip biting taking place on the other side of
this call.<i>“I—why would…?”</i></p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“My mom wanted me to come home for Christmas.”Alex says like it explains everything.She knows it doesn’t, but she really doesn’t
want to go into detail on this.She’s
experienced enough mortification for one day.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>“So?”</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Of course nothing is that easy.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“So… she wanted me to come home but she’s… it’s hard.To be around her sometimes.And I really need to focus on my thesis
because… it’s not going so great.”More,
she needs to go over how she accidentally dragged Kara into this.“But she doesn’t really take no for an answer,
so I accidentally let slip that I was gay and then I just… created this whole
thing.I used you because…” </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Huh.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">She’s never actually thought of why she chose Kara.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“<i>Because</i>?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Because… you were there.When I was talking to her.”Sounds plausible.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“<i>Oh.”</i></p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Somehow that “oh” sounds more disappointed than Alex had expected,
and she’s suddenly confronted with the fact that Kara also shares the ability
to make Alex hate herself a little.Maybe her and Eliza could write a book on the subject.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>All the Things I Hate About You by Eliza Danvers and
Kara…insert last name here.</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Look, I know this was a shit thing to do but—I’ll pay you.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>“Excuse me?”</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I’ll pay you.”Alex
insists, sitting up and biting the nail of her thumb.It kind of aches now, she’s been doing it
since the rental fiasco.“It’s Christmas,
right?I’m sure you want to buy presents,
right?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">How much does she have in her account?</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“<i>Alex</i>—”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“$500.Up front.It’s just until Christmas and then that’s
it.You’ll never have to see me
again.”It might be better for them that
way anyway.“Please.I wouldn’t ask if I had any other options.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“<i>Alex I… I don’t know what to say…”</i></p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Say yes.Please.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“<i>I—it’s not even like I’d be able to really </i>be <i>your
girlfriend.I’ve been taking extra shifts,
so I’ll be working and—”</i></p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alex does the math in her head, a few quick calculations…</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I will give you $1000 to go to dinner tonight, a shopping
trip and <i>one </i>stupid Christmas tradition.”Ouch.Fuck.Her thumb now bleeding,
Alex sucks the wound into her mouth before asking again when Kara just
sighs.“We don’t have to do anything
you’re not comfortable with I swear—just….” Shit.“No, I—I’m sorry Kara, I didn’t mean to make
you feel uncomfortable.I—”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“<i>No</i>.”Kara
says, no doubt trying to be reassuring.“<i>You didn’t</i>.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I did.I—this is a
big ask.I know it’s a big ask.Forget I said anything; I’ll tell my mom the
truth and—”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>“—No!No, don’t
tell her.If she’s really that hard on
you… I’ll do it.”</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alex startles, bleeding thumb momentarily forgotten in light
of this ray of hope.“You will?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>“Yes, but only because we’re friends.It’s not about the money, I’d just prefer it
if your fingers remained attached to your body.You know, with all the nail biting and all.”</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Yeah.”Alex laughs
and drags a hand through her hair. She
thinks of being friends with Kara and of that kiss that had been decidedly unfriendly
and stuffs it all down where she doesn’t have to acknowledge it. “I swear you
won’t regret this.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">~*~</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Kara’s the one who reminds Alex of the cover story that
Other!Alex had come up with.She’s the
one who helps Alex fill in the blanks that were still left behind and she’s the
one who runs everything over with Alex until she’s confident that they can fool
Eliza.If even for only this one week
before Eliza goes home.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">After that Alex can regrettably inform Eliza that Kara was
killed in a fiery airplane accident in which there were no survivors.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“And why,” Kara asks as they sit in the waiting area of this
fancy restaurant Eliza had insisted on, “exactly do I have to die?Can’t we just break up like normal people?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“No.My mom would
never let me live that down.She’s
already infatuated with you.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Really?”Kara preens
a little, her smile just a little charming in the dim lighting.“I’ve been told I have that effect on people.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“You do.”The hostess
smiles at a couple who’s just entered and leads them straight back into the
dining hall.That could have been them
if Eliza had bothered to show up on time.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Glowering a little, Alex isn’t even aware she’s started
biting her nails until Kara gently takes her hands and holds them in her lap.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Relax.”Kara
commands.“It’s just a dinner.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Its not.You don’t
know my mom.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I don’t but I know that she’s <i>a </i>mom.And mom’s want what’s best for their kids.You’re—I really don’t think you have any reason
to be afraid.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alex scoffs and pulls her hands away. “When I was fifteen, she told me that surfing
was too distracting, and I needed to focus on my studies.She doesn’t care about what’s “best for me”
Kara.She cares about her image and
right now, for some reason, you fit it.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">That statement of course brings out Kara’s frowny face but,
before she can respond Eliza rushes in with a flurry of scarves, layered coats,
and gloves that clearly broadcast her unfamiliarity with the cold.Not embarrassing at all.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">A short while after that they’re seated, and Eliza has
recomposed herself enough to begin the grilling session.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“How old are you Kara?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I’ll be twenty two in January.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Oh that’s lovely; a new year’s gift for your parents then?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">A laugh.“That’s what
they always said!They’d read me Pinocchio
all the time and say what a miracle I was.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Eliza is wise enough to not push on the “said” portion of
that statement, smooth enough to recover and continue to prod.It takes Alex a little longer, a little more
wine until she’s able to wrap her mind around the fact that someone as young as
Kara is an orphan.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">That someone as <i>perfect </i>as Kara is an orphan.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alex guesses Maggie was right and she really should just let
sleeping dogs lie; there’s clearly more to Kara than she had originally
thought.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Oh that’s so wonderful that you’re pursuing something so
creative.”Eliza’s rueful smile brings
Alex back to the conversation as her mother shakes her head fondly.“Alex doesn’t seem to have an artistic bone
in her body.My little scientist.Ever since she was little.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alex takes a long drink from her wine glass.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Actually Dr. Danvers, I’ve heard Alex sing and she’s <i>amazing!</i>”Kara lies, slipping her hand into Alex’s
under the table and giving a firm squeeze.It’s the wine, Alex reasons, which makes Kara’s eyes look so blue.“She’s got the voice of an angel; you should
be really proud.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Oh.”Eliza says.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">When nothing else seems forthcoming, Alex lifts her brows in
confusion, but Eliza only stares thoughtfully down at her plate.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Not angry, more… disappointed.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">In Alex.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Again.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">This was a <i>great</i> idea.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I heard you wanted to get some Christmas shopping done
while you were in town?”Kara prompts
with a falsely cheery voice.It’s clear
to everyone at the table that the mood has gone down but, Alex supposes, this
is what Kara was being paid for, right?“Any
ideas on what stores you want to try?Boston has a ton of cute shops that Alex and I can take you around.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Eliza nods and, though her smile is wobbly, it’s there.“I would like that very much.<i>Thank</i> <i>you, Kara</i>.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">And then they’re both smiling widely, and Alex isn’t and
somehow she feels like she’s missed something but Kara’s hand doesn’t leave hers,
so she doesn’t panic.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Dinner is almost over anyway.She’s survived this first task.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">~*~</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Of course, Alex being Alex, she’d decided to schedule as
many of her Eliza related activities as she can in one go.Which means that the morning after the uncomfortable
dinner, Kara’s picking her up in a rather nice looking Honda Civic with a
bright smile and a cup of steaming hot chocolate.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Good morning.”Kara
chirps when Alex opens the door to the warm interior.“Ready for some Christmas shopping?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alex is not; Alex hates Christmas shopping.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Yep.”She says
instead of voicing that rather Grinch-like opinion.“I’ve got to pick something really great for
my super awesome girlfriend, right?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Kara’s laugh is a little off-key as she pulls them out
towards the street and Alex smirks into the paper cup that’s been handed to
her.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“You don’t have to get me anything Alex.I don’t expect anything from you.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alex hums but chooses to remain silent because… because Kara
is <i>nice.</i>And after dinner last
night Alex had taken some time to think.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Or, more accurately, she’d gone to her gig and sung lots of
annoying Christmas carols because <i>everyone </i>wanted to hear Christmas carols
and she’d realized that she still hadn’t sung for Kara.Even though Kara had lied to Eliza for her
and said she had.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Lots of people had heard Alex sing by this point; both
covers and originals.It wasn’t even
like she was shy about her voice it was just… Kara was nice.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Like really ridiculously nice.And she cared and she <i>tried </i>to be a
good person.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">And Alex had made all of these assumptions about her.About her just working at that café because
she was a college student who needed spare cash but now, she’s learned Kara has
at least two jobs and that isn’t a thing a college student does just for the heck
of it.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">And she’d assumed that Kara was in college with financial
help from her parents but now she’s learned that Kara’s parents are most likely
dead and…</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alex understands what it’s like to be alone. <i>Alex </i>is
alone.But she’s used to it and she kind
of deserves it—Kara doesn’t.Kara is
happy and friendly and she should be surrounded by people who shower her in
affection.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">It would be nice to think that Kara already had that but the
fact that she’d been so able to help Alex out like this at the drop of a hat… </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">If Kara is willing to help her—willing to call her a friend
and <i>act </i>like a friend, the least Alex can do is partake in the Christmas
traditions that Kara seems to like so much.The least Alex can do is sing—she hasn’t sung <i>for</i> someone since
Jeremiah but then again, no one else has really asked.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">It’s a short drive over to the shopping district and Kara
mostly passes the time humming along to the songs on the radio but Alex steels
herself when they near their destination.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">This, at least, is a song she actually likes.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal"><i>“It was Christmas Eve babe,” </i>Alex makes sure her
voice goes gruff, puffs out her chest a little for the theatrics when Kara’s
head whips in her direction.“<i>In the
drunk tank.An old man said to me: won’t
see another one.”</i></p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Oh my god.”Kara
giggles, gleeful eyes darting between Alex and the road.“Are you seriously singing <i>The Pogues</i>?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“It’s a classic.”Alex insists, before going back to the song.“<i>So happy Christmas!I love you <b>bay-by!</b>I can see a better time, when all our
dreams come true…”</i></p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">The air guitar may be overdoing it, but Kara sounds so happy
that Alex doesn’t drop the act.She
sings louder and more passionately as the song goes.And then <i>Kara </i>joins in and Alex is
barely holding in her own giggles.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal"><i>“You were handsome—” </i>Kara sings.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>“You were pretty, Queen of New York City!”</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">It’s not Alex’s usual set and it isn’t even phonetically
correct but it’s fun.She can’t remember
the last time she’s actually had fun.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>“The boys of the NYPD choir were singing Galway Bay, and
the bells were ringing out for Christmas day!”</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>~*~</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Unfortunately, Alex had forgotten the startling mood dampener
that Eliza’s very presence evoked.As
soon as she sees her mother waiting for them by a shop called Bubbles and
Things, Alex is filled with dread.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Fuck, she wishes she’d had a drink.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Never mind that it’s still barely past ten in the morning;
she really needs something to help quell these feelings.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Relax.”Kara
breathes, suddenly very close as her lips brush the edges of Alex’s
hairline.“Parents can sense fear.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alex snorts and Kara smiles and for a second at least,
things are ok.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Maybe asking Kara to do this was actually a really good idea
after all.Alex may not have liquor in
her corner, but she certainly has her friend.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">And Kara, she is learning, is a really, really good friend
to have.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">An hour into their trip Alex spots something that makes her
pause mid-step.Kara and Eliza are well
ahead of her at this point and it’s fairly easy to duck into the shop and ask
the shopkeeper about gift she has in mind.It’s wrapped and purchased in a matter of minutes and, with all the
other bags Alex has been forced to carry, neither Kara nor Eliza are any the
wiser.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Super sleuth for the win.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">~*~</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“It’s such a shame that Kara had to work.”Eliza comments as they sit down to a late
lunch. “She’s a lovely girl.” </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">They’d both tried to talk Kara into eating earlier but she’d
been adamant that Eliza explore all of her favorite shops before food and then
she’d had to rush off to her shift as a—get this—dog walker.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“She is.”Alex agrees
easily, wrinkling her nose at the limited menu and thinking about how Kara
would have probably called this place stoosh.One thing Alex <i>is </i>certain of about Kara is that the woman likes
her food.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I must say I was a little surprised when I realized she was
your uh… girlfriend.I’d read somewhere
about opposites attracting but…”Eliza
winces—actually winces and stops herself midsentence.“I just mean that she’s nice and—”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“—and I don’t deserve someone like her.”Alex concludes, fingers tensing around the
hardness of the menu in her hands.“That’s
it right?She’s “nice” and “lovely” and deserves
someone better?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">The thought, however useless it is, does cross Alex’s mind
that she had been the original proponent of she and Kara not being an ideal
match.Before this whole snafu had
started Alex had been certain that Kara was a bit of an airhead honestly.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">And, while that was a proven falsity it still made Alex’s
skin crawl to think that her mother thought they were incompatible as well.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">And that it was Alex who was the lacking party.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Alex, I did not say—”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Hello!My name is
Patrice and I’ll be your waitress this afternoon.”A tall brunette with an overly bright smile
prances over to their table.“Can I
interest you ladies in our drink menu?We just added a remarkable new wine from—”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“She’ll take it.”Alex interrupts.“My treat.”To Eliza she says, “sorry mom, but I just realized
that I didn’t finish in the lab.Sensitive materials, you understand right?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Alex.We’re having a
meal.Surely the lab can wait.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Why should it?”Alex
stands and grabs her coat.“It never
waited for you.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">And then she’s gone and the cheer she’d found that morning vanishes
as well.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">~*~</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alex does actually go to the lab after running away from Eliza,
but the entire place is just as sickening as the restaurant had been.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">There is tinsel <i>everywhere.</i>Christmas wreaths and frosted windows and
by <i>God </i>the Christmas carols.Never mind that she had just sung a few carols with Kara that morning, it
didn’t mean Alex wanted to hear them <i>now.</i></p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Songs about being merry and having a happy family—Alex’s family
was practically nonexistent!Eliza was
it and even she didn’t want Alex as family.It was pretty clear that Eliza would prefer Kara—a woman who was practically
a stranger to her—over Alex.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">And, as Alex looks at her failed experiment, she can’t
really blame her.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">She was a disappointment.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">A failure.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Kara had been her parents’ New Year miracle and Alex had
been Eliza’s repeated reminder on why children were a bad idea.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Outside the window of the lab, Alex watches a janitor trying
to hang the last of the Christmas lights.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">She can tell from even here how the guy is clearly not
secured.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Luckily he’s young.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Not that Alex is wishing injury upon him, it’s just that
this can clearly only end in one way.She
sighs and begins to pack her things in preparation.Everyone was always so big on Christmas, but
did anyone ever wonder why hospitalizations spiked during this time of year?</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">It was because holidays were satanic practices and humans
were the unwitting sacrificial lambs being led to slaughter.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Sliding her headphones into her ears, she at least has a
moment of respite when Queen comes on with their Bohemian Rhapsody.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Just as the first line starts playing, the ladder that janitor-guy
is on tilt, wobbles, arms pinwheel dramatically and then ever so slowly the ladder
leans away from the window.Alex watches
the swift change of expressions on the guy’s face as that slow descent rapidly
changes into an unstoppable crash to earth.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">It’s honestly a <i>little </i>funny.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Panicked cries ring from outside and Alex rolls her eyes
before rushing down to help.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Merry friggin Christmas.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">~*~</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">On the way back to her apartment she passes the ice rink and
sees Clark and Nick waiting on a bench while the coaches finish packing away
the equipment.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Sup.”Nick says,
nodding his head like a doofus.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alex rolls her eyes and gives Clark a fist bump.“Why is your friend so weird?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Everyone’s weird.”Clark says.“You just gotta find
friends whose weird matches yours.That’s
what my mom says.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Smart lady.”Alex
nods in appreciation.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I think so. You ok?You look a little sad.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Eh.Adulting just sucks
you know.Stay a kid.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Bad things come in threes.”Nick says ominously.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Thanks.”Alex says,
trying not to sneer.“I’ll keep that in
mind.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“But so do good things!”Nick calls after her retreating form.“You gotta be ready for the good things!”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">~*~</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“So, did you know that Christmas was actually one of the more
deadly times of year?”Alex cringes and
shakes her head, thumb hovering over the call button on her phone.“Yeah, that’s a great idea Alex; call her and
remind her of the most depressing statistic in the fucking world.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“How did you ever get laid?”Maggie asks from the kitchen.Her
mouth is full, so the words are slightly slurred, but Alex has been living with
her long enough to understand the garble.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I didn’t do a whole lot of talking.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Maybe you should try that.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I’m not trying to <i>sleep </i>with Kara Maggie.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Maybe you should.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Maybe <i>you </i>should stop dicking around with Kate and
actually tell her how you feel.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“This isn’t about me.”Maggie plops down on the couch next to Alex and grins.“It’s about you and your obsession with Kara.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alex grabs her phone and scowls all the way to her room.“Or it’s about you and being all avoidy with
your <i>actual </i>girlfriend.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Marriage is a big step!”Maggie shouts, even as Alex slams her bedroom door.“It’s not for the faint of heart!”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“She’s almost thirty!”Alex yells back.“Her clock is
ticking or whatever!”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Maggie cackles.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">With a sigh and a hard shake of her shoulders, Alex nods
confidently.“You got this Danvers.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">She has to have this; not only because she feels like she
owes Kara some decent friendship reciprocity, but also because… because she
kind of misses how she feels when she’s around Kara.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">And the disaster lunch with Eliza had kind of put her at a
new all time low and she could really use a pick me up.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Kara answers on the third ring.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“<i>Hello?”</i></p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Heeeyyy!”Alex
drawls, cringes, coughs.“Uh, hey.How’s it—how’s it going?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“<i>Good.”</i>Kara
laughs.<i>“Are you ok?”</i></p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">There’s the sound of music in the background—or not music—a movie.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Are you watching a musical?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>“Is that judgement in your voice?”</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alex can already feel herself relaxing at the playful lilt
to Kara’s voice and laughs herself.“Depends
on the musical.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“<i>It’s not a musical</i>.”Kara says.“<i>It’s Elf.Buddy is singing to Jovie</i>.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Ah.You’re a Will
Ferrell fan.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>“If you say you aren’t then I will end this call and
never speak to you again.”</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Well, that’s just because <i>you’re from the South Pole.</i>”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Kara squeals so loudly that Alex has to pull the phone away
from her face.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>“You’ve seen Elf?!Did you like it?”</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Eh…”Alex hedges.“It’s one of the few Christmas movies I’ll tolerate.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>“Oh, just you wait Dr. Danvers, we’ll make a Christmas
lover of you yet.”</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">The title makes Alex’s chest twinge, and she fights the
painful reminder of her failures by switching the subject.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Actually,” she starts, “I was wondering if you’re free
tonight.I’ve got a gig down at Al’s and—well
it’s mostly Christmas shit they make me sing and since that’s kind of your
whole schtick…”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal"><i>“My whole schtick</i>?”Kara laughs.“<i>Liking Christmas
is my whole schtick?”</i></p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Well, no but… I just meant—”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>“Relax Alex… uhm, can I call you back in like… 10
minutes?I kind of… already had plans
but I really want to see you sing.”</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Oh.”Kara canceling
plans for her seemed pretty drastic just for—</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>“Don’t do that thing you’re doing where you think me
hanging out with you is the greatest evil of all time.I want to see you Alex.I promise.Ok?”</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Inhaling sharply, Alex nods.“Ok.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">~*~</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alex gets to the bar well before Kara because she actually
has to work, so she’s already well into her set by the time she spots a blonde
head pushing through the rowdy crowd towards the front of the stage.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">And yeah.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Inviting Kara here had been a million times worth it if just
the sight of her could make Alex feel the jubilance of the crowd.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">There are a few more songs, a shoddy rendition of Rudolph
the Red-Nosed Reindeer that she makes up on the spot because she’s honestly
forgotten the lyrics, and a round of free shots from Al before Alex is able to get
off the stage and let the DJ take over.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">She finds Kara easily enough and tows her to the corner table
M’gann always reserves for her.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“So,” she asks breathlessly and full of nervous energy.“What’d you think?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“What’d I think?Alex
you were <i>amazing!”</i></p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alex blushes and shrugs.“Not that good.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Shut up!You were
great!”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Yeah?”One of the
bar girls rushes over with a set of drinks for them and flashes Alex a quick
smile before leaving as quickly as she’d come.“You didn’t take issue with Rudolph finding a real job instead of letting
himself be a glorified flashlight?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Kara chuckles and pulls one of the whipped cream topped mugs
towards her, smiling wider when she sees the chocolatey substance within the
mug.“Nah, I figured that was just
self-projection.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“What?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Huh?” Kara smirks impishly, a whipped cream mustache speckling
her upper lip now.“What was that?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Narrowing her eyes, Alex fights the urge to find Kara’s feet
under the table.To kick her.Not anything else.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Are you saying that you think that <i>I </i>need to find a
real job?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Or,” Kara holds up one finger, “I could be saying that <i>you
</i>wish that <i>you </i>could be like Rudolph and let yourself be a glorified
flashlight instead of being forced into a capitalistic idea of success.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alex slumps back in her seat.“<i>Wow.”</i></p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“You asked.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Wow.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“You’re a really good musician Alex and the way you looked
on that stage tonight—you’ve been talking about your dissertation for <i>months
</i>and I’ve <i>never </i>seen you light up like you did just then.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>“Wow.”</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“You can tell me I’m overstepping but honestly, I’ve had
like two drinks already so this guy,” Kara wiggles her mug and spills some of
the spiked hot chocolate over the rim, “this is just honesty in a cup.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Huh.”Alex grunts
surprisingly only very slightly annoyed by Kara’s comments.“Be honest about something else then.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">And crap.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">The lip biting thing is happening.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Don’t look at me like that.”Alex says from behind her own mug, taking a
long drink as Kara smirks at her.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Like what?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“You’re drunk.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Am not.Happily
buzzed but still in control of all of my mental faculties thank you very much.I just happen to like looking at you.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alex gulps and forces herself not to look away.“That the honesty talking?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Instead of answering Kara takes another drink from her mug, a
happy smirk dancing around the edges of her lips.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“My mom’s not here you know?”Alex presses, despite her brain telling her
that this has absolutely <i>nothing </i>to do with Eliza.“You don’t need the act.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Pretty sure it was just you who needed to act.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Is Kara <i>flirting </i>with her?</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“What’s that mean?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Huh?”Kara laughs.“What’s what mean?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“You are <i>so </i>drunk.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Not drunk.”Kara
insists.“Slightly defensive.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Defensive?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“You put a lot of stock in what other people think of you; I’m
wondering if that’s worth the effort.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alex blows out a long breath, cheeks puffing up as she regards
Kara curiously.Kara’s cheeks are rosy
for sure and she’s got a sort of breathless chuckle going on over there, but
she <i>does </i>seem to be in complete control of herself.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">She doesn’t actually look drunk.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">She doesn’t even sound drunk.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Just… very confusing.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“You’re not really making any sense.”Alex tells her when Kara just continues to
smile at her.“I don’t give a shit what
people think about me.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Mmhm.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Hey!”Al pushes over
to them, interrupting before Alex can respond and eyeing Alex pleadingly.“Patrons are asking for more music.I need you back on stage.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“What?No; Oz is
doing his thing.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">They all glance at the stage where a surfer looking dude is
bopping his head to techno remixed Christmas songs.The crowd is very clearly unamused.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“You have ten minutes.”Al demands.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I’m <i>with </i>someone.”Alex insists, gesturing at Kara across from her.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Then get her up there too.M’gann is working on getting Spotify up and running so you only need to
be there for like two songs tops.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alex is about to protest again when she catches Kara’s
eyes.Kara’s eyes which have an almost
maniacal excitement to them.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Oh boy.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Al shoves her guitar at her and ushers them both up to the
stage and then Alex is clearing her throat into a microphone as Kara whispers
her request into her ear.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Fuck.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Crap.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">It is totally not her fault that her fingers shake a little
on the first chord, or, that for the rest of the song, she cannot take her eyes
off of Kara as she croons out Eartha Kitt.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">To be fair, Kara doesn’t take her eyes off of Alex either.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“<i>Been an awful good girl, Santa Baby. So hurry down the
chimney tonight.”</i></p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">At the end of the song, someone throws a bundle of mistletoe
on the stage and Kara throws her head back and <i>laughs </i>and Alex watches
the soft column of her neck move under the vibrations and she knows she’s a goner.
</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>Shit.</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>~*~</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Sex with Kara, Alex should have expected, was not the wham
bam thank you ma’am that she was used to.Sex with Kara was filled with mini conversations and laughing and
teasing jokes and lots and lots of orgasms.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Maggie had told Alex about sex like this; the kind where you
had to take a break it was that good.Alex hadn’t experienced it herself until just now but… well just wow.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">They’re sleeping—or well, dozing in Alex’s case, after their
last round of the night.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">When they’d finished, Kara had curled herself into Alex and
wrapped Alex’s arms around her waist.At
the time Alex had found it to be adorably funny but now the arm pillowing Kara’s
head is no longer responsive, and Alex is wondering if this was all a ploy to
kill her music career after all.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">God.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">She really hadn’t thought her night would go like this.It had been such a roller coaster ride of a
day.First Kara picking her up and them
having so much fun in the car and then even shopping.The lunch with Eliza could have gone better but
then… Kara had saved the day once again by just being well… her.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">For all that Eliza had complaints about <i>Alex, </i>she
hadn’t had any about Kara and that was saying something.Eliza had never liked anyone that Alex had
shown an interest in.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">She’s not sure what it means that she <i>maybe </i>might be
interested in Kara now, a woman who Eliza apparently approves of
wholeheartedly.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">It’s just—like she said before, Kara is perfect.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">She’s kind and she’s funny and she’s smart.She lights up a room just by walking into
it.Alex has never really felt very
lucky in her life.But she feels pretty
damn lucky right now.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">The whole fake dating thing… maybe, if Alex is being honest,
she could admit that—</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">A phone going off nearly startles her to full wakefulness,
but Kara grabs the device before it can ring more than once.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Hey baby.”Kara
breathes and it takes Alex a second to realize Kara is <i>not </i>talking to
her; takes her a half second more not to tense up as Kara carefully extricates
herself from the bed and Alex’s arms.“Are
you ok?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">It’s a one-sided conversation Alex hears but there’s way too
many terms of endearments, way too many promises of “being home soon” to mistake
it for anything else.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">When Kara leans over to press a kiss to her “sleeping”
forehead, Alex remains still even though she kind of wants to claw Kara’s eyes
out.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Which she supposes is fair since, as soon as Kara leaves, it
kind of feels like she’s clawed out Alex’s insides.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">~*~</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“A boyfriend?”Maggie
asks over breakfast the next morning.“You’re
<i>sure</i>?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Or a girlfriend.”Alex
shrugs, hood over her head and slumped over the counter.“Doesn’t matter.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I don’t know Danvers; I heard the two of you last
night.That didn’t sound like someone
who was in a relationship.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I know what I heard Maggie.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Danvers—”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I know what I heard!”Alex’s fist slams down on the counter and she glares at Maggie from her
newly upright position.“And it <b>does</b>
<b>not</b>matter.I’m paying her
to do all this.I just thought you’d
want to know that your stupid—<i>assumptions</i>, were completely inaccurate.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Woah!Hey!Where are you going?!”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Roughly pulling her arms through the sleeves of her coat,
Alex glares at Maggie once more.Her “friend”
at least seems a bit remorseful, but Alex isn’t really in the mood to make this
ok.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“The bank.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Oh.That’s—ok.Have fun I guess?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Fuck off.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">~*~</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Kara had tried calling her that morning, but Alex had let
the call go to voicemail.Like the nerd
she is, Kara actually leaves one, but Alex is too… raw to listen to it.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">She feels very out of sorts.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">The sex had been unexpected, and it hadn’t been something
they’d agreed to when they said they would fake date, but it had been good.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Really good, Alex’s mind unhelpfully supplies. But just because it was good did not mean that
it meant something.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alex had had enough meaningless sex in her life to know that
it really didn’t have to go beyond that.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Kara had been drinking last night, she’d had an itch and she’d
used Alex to scratch it just like Alex was using Kara to fool Eliza.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">They were a transaction at best.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">It was fine.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">It’s still feels clumsy and wrong to text Kara like they’re
ok; like something rigid and stiff hasn’t taken hold of Alex’s chest and made
everything seem more cumbersome.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Eliza notices but she doesn’t comment on it, probably
thinking that Alex is still mad at <i>her.</i>She is but that’s beside the point.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Tomorrow is the day before Christmas Eve, Kara’s last contractual
day to actually be Alex’s fake girlfriend.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">It’s almost over.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Just a few more hours.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">~*~</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>December 23<sup>rd</sup></i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alex chooses to catch a ride with Eliza this time around and
meet Kara at the Common.The plan is to
go see the giant Christmas tree that people of Nova Scotia send over each year.It’s one of the most tried and true
traditions in Boston and it serves as the perfect backdrop for a present
exchange.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Or at least it does in theory.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Eliza had said it did and so it had been decided that that
was where they would go.This was for her
mother after all.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">This holiday, this ruse… all for Eliza.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alex reminds herself of that as she pushes through the
crowds of people until they find a blessed opening near the front and can see
the tree in all of its glory.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Because of Eliza, Kara has to hold her hand and Alex has to
pretend like that’s ok.Like it doesn’t
make her chest throb.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Because of Eliza, when Kara turns to her with that dazzling
smile, Alex has to pretend that she’s dazzled.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">There are truly no limits to her mother’s cruelty.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Eliza had stopped to chat with a short woman dressed as an elf
about possible dining places nearby and they had just barely managed to squeeze
themselves onto the lunch list of a rather posh looking diner with a great view
of the tree.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Kara was thrilled.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“It’s so beautiful Eliza!”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Isn’t it?”Eliza
sighs happily and folds her napkin over her lap.“Alex’s father used to love doing things like
this.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Dad did.”Alex says
with a tired eye roll.“We don’t.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Well just because you didn’t doesn’t mean you can’t.”Kara says kindly.“Just because someone leaves doesn’t mean you
have to forget all of the things they enjoyed.You can still like Christmas Alex.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">There’s a lot Alex can say to that, but she doesn’t.Kara doesn’t know the whole story and after
the other night, there’s no way Alex is going to tell it to her.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">For a microsecond had entertained the idea of letting her
guard down but now?Definitely not.She claimed temporary insanity.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">The waitress comes over and they order their food and that
is when Eliza strikes.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Well,” her mother says, lifting a bag from the chair next
to her.“Are we ready to exchange gifts?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">The giddy smile on her mother’s face is matched by Kara and
the two easily swap tiny boxes across the table.Alex receives a thin envelope from her mother
and a bulky package from Kara.Both of
the boxes Alex passes them are much more uniform and neatly wrapped.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">The next few minutes are spent tearing through wrapping
paper and expressing gratitude.Eliza
especially seems to be thankful for the intricate snow globe Kara had gifted
her.There are tears in her eyes and everything.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Oh Kara, this is so thoughtful.What did Alex get you?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">The gnawing sensation in her chest is one Alex has become
quite used to over the years.The
pre-conditioned guilt and feeling of filth occurring often enough that they
feel like old friends most days.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">This wasn’t most days.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">When she sees Kara’s face, the pale cast to her cheeks and the
glassiness to her eyes, she feels like the worst scum on the face of the earth.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Uhhh.”Kara chuckles
but it doesn’t sound happy, it cracks near the end and nearly breaks.Seemingly the only thing keeping the sound
together, Kara pulling her bottom lip into her mouth and biting.It’s fairly not sexy this time around.“Uhhh, it’s…”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Is it that good?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Kara nods quickly and pulls the box to her chest.“Yeah.Yes.It’s uhhh personal though.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I understand completely.”Eliza says, reaching over and pressing her hand to Kara’s arm.Alex can’t watch anymore and drops her gaze
to her lap.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">By the time she realizes time has passed, Eliza has already
excused herself to the restroom and she’s been left alone with Kara.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">And Kara doesn’t really let things sit; there was no way
Alex could have expected her to let this sit.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">She had.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Foolishly.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">In her anger, she’d thought that paying Kara the agreed upon
funds would somehow make her <i>happy.</i>Would
be a satisfactory conclusion to their time together but now…</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I thought you’d prefer to get your own gift.”Alex interjects before Kara can say anything.“It’s not like I’d know what to get you
anyway, right?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Kara nods slowly and it’s pretty clear to Alex that she’s trying
hard to control herself.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I just… I thought that… the other night—”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Was fun but we both know what it really was.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“We do?”Kara chokes
out, eyes widening.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Stop talking, Alex tells herself.Stop fucking talking.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“You were drunk, and I was horny.I certainly wouldn’t say no to another round
but there’s no reason you shouldn’t still get paid, right?And it’s not like we spoke about pricing out…
extracurricular activities.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Extracurricular activities.”Kara repeats dully.She closes her eyes and releases a slow
breath before shaking her head violently.“No, I—I’m gonna go.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“What?Why?We haven’t even gotten our food yet.”Also, Alex very badly doesn’t want her to
leave.Not like this.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Pausing mid-way in putting her coat back on, the look Kara
sends to Alex is nothing short of icy.The blue eyes that had been filled with nothing but warmth for her
suddenly devoid of any trace of it.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“You’re seriously asking me that?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Stop talking.Please
stop fucking talking.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Yes?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“You are <i>such </i>an asshole.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">She is.She knows she
is.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“What’d I do!?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Kara scoffs and leans in closer, coat now fully on as she
grips the back of her chair.“You are going
to go through your life thinking that you’re alone because no one is good enough
for you, but I need you to know, from the bottom of my heart, that it’s because
you are a <i>terrible</i> human being<i>.</i>”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">She spins to leave and walks directly into a clearly
flustered Maggie who’s hurrying towards their table with her little sister in
tow.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Heya ladies!What
are you uh... up to?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Excuse me.”Kara
says stiffly, trying to be polite even though she’s clearly very angry.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I’m the asshole?”Alex hisses also standing now.“<i>I’m
</i>the asshole!?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Kara whirls on her again but at least keeps her voice low
enough that, although they’re attracting attention, they aren’t overheard.“You just paid me off like I was some sort of—of—of
<i>prostitute.</i>”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alex doesn’t have the same courtesy.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Yeah, well after we slept together you jumped right into
the next guy’s bed so what—”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Gah!”Maggie yelps
and slams a hand over Alex’s mouth.“She’s
drunk.”The smile Maggie sends Kara is
forced clearly but Kara seems too confused to really focus on that.“Uh… Kara, did you know that my little sister
Jamie is best friends with Clark?”Maggie sends a pointed look at Alex, glaring daggers at her when Alex
licks the palm of her hand in contempt.“Your
<i>son </i>Clark?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Wait—what?</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>What?</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Oh.”Kara blinks and
also adopts a falsely cheery demeanor as she focuses on Jamie behind
Maggie.“Oh, I do remember you.You’re on the Ducks, right?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Best Hockey team ever!”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“For sure.”Kara
confirms kindly before straightening again and gesturing towards the door.“I actually have to run but I’ll be at your
game on Saturday ok?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Ok!Bye Ms. Zorel!”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Kara waves and in the next second she’s out the door.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Not her biological son,” Maggie whispers hurriedly, almost
comically close to Alex’s ear now.“They’re
cousins but their parents died in a plane crash and Kara became his guardian
when she was seventeen.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">In the next <i>next</i> second, Alex has ripped Maggie’s
hand away from her face and raced out after Kara.The problem with running anywhere in a
crowded space is that inevitably you’re going to bump into something.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Racing anywhere crowded during Christmas?</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">That something was gonna be big and ridiculous.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">As soon as Alex is through the doors, she spots Kara getting
into a cab and tries to run after her.She’s got her hand outstretched and everything, Kara’s name just barely leaving
her lips as she reaches towards her.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">And then a candy cane swings out of nowhere, clocking her in
the head and sending her careening down an icy sidewalk.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">She’s vaguely aware of Maggie yelping an “oh shit.”Can hear the sounds of horrified pedestrians
and Mariah Carey crooning in the background but other than that?</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Things fade to black real quick.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">~*~</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“You have a concussion.”Eliza tells her when she wakes up, voice soft as she combs a hand through
Alex’s fringe.“And a badly twisted
ankle.You’ll be off your feet for a
while.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“So you’re staying?”Alex grumbles, throat feeling like sandpaper on fire even as a gong goes
off in her head.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“For a while, yes.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Sighing, Alex can only purse her lips and finally admit, “Then
you should know that I’m failing out of grad school.My thesis is unprovable and they’re gonna cut
my funding.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I know.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“You know?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Max told me.I didn’t
say anything because I wanted <i>you </i>to tell me but when you told me that
you were gay… I realized how far apart we’d drifted and saw that that probably
wouldn’t happen anytime soon.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Rolling completely onto her back, Alex gingerly lifts a hand
to her forehead.Let’s it cover her face
when she realizes it doesn’t send pain racing through her skull.This was not how she’d thought this would all
end but honestly, after everything that’s happened, she’s just tired of keeping
this all in.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I was trying to fix it all before you found out.I thought if I could fix it and you never knew
what a fuck up I was that…”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I never saw you as a fuck up Alex.”The swear sounds weird coming from Eliza’s mouth.Weird enough that Alex loses control of her
emotions and feels hot tears slip out from behind her eyes.“I am <i>so </i>sorry if I made you feel like
you had to lie to—to get my love.You
never had to do that!Never.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">When Alex only continues to cry, Eliza sighs and takes Alex’s
free hand in her own.Rubbing her thumb
over the back.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“When we lost your father I—we lost each other somehow and…
I don’t know how we go back.I thought
Christmas—that spending Christmas together would spark something, but it looks
like it just made you angrier.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Of course I’m angry.”Alex whimpers.“You—when I lost
dad… it felt like I lost you too.I’ve
been alone and—”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“No Alex.You’re not
alone.I’m here.I’m finally here.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">This time Eliza pulls the hand Alex is using to hide her
face away, wipes the tears and the mess away from her face and pulls her into a
hug.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Mom,” Alex sobs after she’s done crying over her fucked up
family life, “I messed up.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Because you have feelings for Kara?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I don’t have—she’s <i>fine </i>I guess.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Just fine?”Eliza
laughs, bussing a kiss to Alex’s forehead and chasing away a fraction of the
pain.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“She’s… well ok, she’s like stupidly nice.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“She is.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“And she’s got really soft hair and when she walks by you it
smells like a garden.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“It does.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“And she’s funny, she makes me laugh and I smile a lot when
I’m around her.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“You do.”Eliza
agrees, squeezing her a bit in the next hug.“I love how happy she makes you.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“She doesn’t… I don’t <i>like </i>her like her.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Eliza laughs again.“Ok.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">It’s Alex who squeezes Eliza this time; Alex who tries to
burrow in tighter to her mother.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I don’t want her to be mad at me.I made a mistake.I shouldn’t have—”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“What?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">It’s the drugs, Alex reasons, and her scrambled brains that
allow the words to run <span class="GramE">passed</span> her defenses into the
real world.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I should have been nicer.I wanted to—to take her on a date maybe.Or go for walks.She seems like
the kind of girl who likes long walks.And I wanted to sing more Christmas carols with her because she made
that fun again.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I’m so happy for you.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“It wasn’t real mom.I paid her to date me.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">When Eliza pulls back to look at her, Alex is almost tempted
to hide away and fake a coma, but she forces herself to meet her mother’s
gaze.A gaze that is for once, filled
with patience and understanding.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“From what I saw back at the restaurant, it didn’t look like
she wanted you to do that.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“She has a son.I
thought… it doesn’t matter.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“You thought she was sleeping with other people and that
upset you.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Yeah.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Why?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I only… I wanted…”Alex almost shakes her head, remembers the <span class="GramE">concussion</span>
and settles for frowning severely.“I
just thought—for just like a second I thought, maybe she could have real
feelings and if she did, then maybe I did and then we could… I don’t know, have
them just for each other.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“And then you could both, <i>like</i> each other like each
other.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alex snorts but nods.Carefully.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Yeah.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I’m going to need you to remember this conversation in the morning
ok?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Ok.”Alex agrees,
already halfway back to sleep.“’m sorry
I ruined Christmas again.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“No, my love.No, you
didn’t ruin anything.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">~*~</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>December 24<sup>th</sup></i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">The next day is a flurry of paperwork and release forms and
finally, Alex is in Eliza’s rental car headed towards her freedom.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Thanks for boosting me.”She says, sliding down in the chair and pulling her hood further over
her head.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Oh absolutely.”Eliza says, “I may like working in medicine, but I hate partaking in
it.IV lines are gross.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Right?!” Alex
laughs.“Do you know how to get to my
place from here?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Yes; I just take exit 9, right?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Right.” Alex confirms, fishing her phone from her pocket
when it begins to vibrate. “One sec mom.Hello?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“<i>Is this Alex Danvers?”</i></p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Depends on who’s asking?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>“Siobhan Smythe from Banshee Records; I was at your set
the other night at Al’s and was wondering if you had any representation?”</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“What?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>“Are you signed with anyone?”</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Eyes bugging out of their sockets, Alex lurches up in her
secret and frantically grabs Eliza’s arm as she presses the button for speaker
phone.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Are you serious right now?You want to sign me?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>“A preliminary agreement conditional on a display of your
original work.Al assured me that you
had your own material.”</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I do!I mean, yeah.I uh, yes.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>“Great; then if you’re interested, we can set up an
appointment for this coming Monday.How
does that sound to you?”</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Perfect.Yeah, I’ll
be there.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>“We’ll see you at our downtown location at 10 a.m.”</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">And just like that Alex’s whole world looks different.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Alex?”Eliza prompts,
her own voice rife with wonder.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Did that just happen?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Yes.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Good things come in threes.”Alex whispers, fiddling with the phone in her
hand.Looking up at her mother, eyes
still wide with shock, Alex asks her a question she wouldn’t have dared just a
few minutes ago. “What are the odds of two miracles happening in one day?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">With a screech of tires, Eliza takes off down the highway, a
gleeful cackle in her throat.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">~*~</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Hello Kara.”Eliza
chirps when Kara presses the intercom to let them speak.“This is Eliza, I was wondering if I could
have a moment of your time?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“<i>Is Alex with you?”</i></p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“She is and she would like to apologize.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>“I’m sorry but I’m… I’m a little busy right now Eliza.I can’t really—”</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“My daughter is an idiot.Everyone knows she’s an idiot.No
one will try to defend that.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alex snorts and slouches against the wall, arms wrapping
around the gift that she and Eliza had picked up when they’d stopped at her
apartment.Eliza’s also got a brand new
hockey stick for Clark that they’d seen in a shop window on the way over.To complete the Christmas cheer, they’d each
gotten a Santa hat.If this much holiday
spirit didn’t get Kara to at least <i>talk </i>to her than Alex was out of
ideas.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Unfortunately,” Eliza continues, “in this family you’ll
find that our emotional intelligence lags far behind our scientific abilities.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>“I… I’m with my son.”</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>“Go away Alex!”</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>“Clark!”</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>“No!She made you
cry!”</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alex’s heart thuds in her chest, a part of her drying a
little at this new revelation.Realistically she’d known that she hurt Kara but to hear it said <span class="SpellE">outloud</span> like this?And by Clark, the kid who’d up until now thought of Alex as a friend?</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Worst feeling ever.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>“I—Dr. Danvers I’m really sorry you came all this way but—”</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>“Sing a song!”</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>“Clark!”</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal"><i>“You said you liked it when she sang!”</i>Alex perks up, exchanges <span class="SpellE">a</span> nervously hopeful glance with Eliza as the two people upstairs
continue to bicker.<i>“It’s the least
she can do!”</i></p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>“Just—let me handle this ok?I—"</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Should old acquaintance be forgot,” Alex sings, stepping up
towards the mic and letting her voice carry though the intercom.“And never brought to mind.Should old acquaintance be forgot, and auld
lang syne.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Eliza looks startled and Alex realizes this is probably the
first time her mother has heard her sing since before her father died.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">She can’t focus on that right now.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">She needs… she has to show Kara how absolutely sorry she
is.How much she wishes she could take
it all back.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“For auld lang syne my dear, for auld lang syne.We’ll take a cup of kindness yet.For auld lang syne.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“<i>Alex—”</i></p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I’m sorry Kara.I—you
were right.I got so used to protecting
my heart that I lashed out at the first sign of—you gave me every reason to
trust you and I broke that trust.I
fucked up.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Static travels back to her so Alex pushes on.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I’d convinced myself months ago that we couldn’t be
anything more than what we were because I <i>knew </i>that if I let myself feel
that way about you, it would all be over.There’d be no going back for me.And
that terrified me more than… <i>anything.</i>But then that night I thought… I couldn’t stop thinking about how
lucky I was, having you there with me.How beautiful you were and how perfect I thought you were and how I was so
lucky just to know you.I thought I’d
hit the jackpot but then your phone rang, and it was like—like every bad
thought I’d ever entertained came rushing back to me.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">More static.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alex shakes her head and presses on, a little wobbly with
the box and her crutches but determined to make this right.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">If this is the only shot she has, she has <i>got </i>to make
this right.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“But I should have talked to you about it.I should have just asked you about it like an
adult rather than going behind your back and thinking the worst of you.You deserved so much better than my immaturity
and carelessness Kara.And I’m so
sorry.I’m <i>so </i>sorry.I know I hurt you and I would do anything to
take that back, but I can’t.I just—whatever
I can do to make it better, please just tell me.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>“…You called me a slut.”</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">The sound of Kara’s voice, shaky and upset tears a hole
right through Alex’s own heart.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I know.I was an idiot.I didn’t—I’m sorry.I have no excuses.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>“You hurt me.”</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I know.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">
    <i>“I thought you—”</i>
  </p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Kara?” Exchanging an alarmed glance with Eliza, Alex leans
closer as if that will bring Kara back somehow.“Kara!”When there’s no response
she swears and lets her body slouch back against the wall.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Reluctantly, Eliza releases the intercom button and steps
back, awkwardly wringing her hands in front of her.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Another failure.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Another disappointment.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alex really needs to stop keeping count.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">She’s about to push off the wall and insist they leave when
Eliza rushes back to the intercom and presses the button again.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“My husband died on the week before Christmas.Alex was fourteen and they were… very
close.Ever since then she’s had walls
and she’s… I wasn’t there in the ways she needed me to be.I never taught her how to express herself.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Mom.”Alex reaches
out towards Eliza, but it doesn’t stop the tirade.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I’m not making any excuses for her; her behavior <i>was </i>inexcusable
but I’m hoping that this helps you understand a little about why she jumped to
those conclusions.She’s gotten used to
people leaving her and so I guess she tries to leave first but that’s not her
fault.It’s mine.So I’m sorry too.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">More static from Kara’s end.The last of Eliza’s energy vanishing with the lack of response.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Merry Christmas Kara.”Alex says from over her mother’s shoulder.“We’ll leave you alone now.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Eliza releases the button and pulls Alex into a swift hug.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I’m so sorry honey.I really thought that if she knew how you felt—I’m so sorry.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alex nods and pulls the stupid Santa hat off her head.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">It lands at her feet in the snow and she thinks that a
pretty swell imagery of what her heart looks like right now.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Merry fucking—</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“You are <i>such </i>a jerk.”Kara hisses as she storms out of her
building, Clark quick at her heels.For
some reason he’s dressed in his hockey uniform and so he waddles more than
marches which takes away from the whole intimidation factor.“You can’t just be <i>that </i>much of an
asshole and then come here and…. And… you gave me a box filled with money!”Ok, now they’ve reached dog whistle level screeching
and Alex hides a wince as Kara’s voice affects her lingering headache.“Like you were a <i>mobster</i>!”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Because I’m an idiot!”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“No!No, you don’t
get to play that card and—”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alex steps forward and shoves the gift in her hands at
Kara.“This was your original gift!Before I thought you were… before I turned
into a major asshole and was just a… a small asshole.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Clark scowls at her.“Swear
jar.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Swallowing and trying to keep her eyes on both of them, Alex
reaches into her jacket and hands Clark her wallet.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“All you have are credit cards in here.”He complains.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Yeah.”Alex says
breathlessly, watching nervously as Kara’s face crumbles at her gift.“Sorry about that.Kara?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Are you <i>serious </i>right now?”Kara whines, and then whacks Alex with the
thick children’s book in her hands.“Did
you seriously buy me Pinocchio?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“A third edition.It’s
got old people writing and everything.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“You’re such a jerk.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I’m <i>sorry.”</i></p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">When Kara kisses her <i>this </i>time, Alex yelps in pain.Not because of the kiss itself but because
she’d been so eager that she’d stepped forward, dropped her <span class="GramE">crutches</span>
and put all of her weight onto her bad ankle.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">It’s not romantic at all but, by the satisfied gleam in
Clark’s eyes, she knows she probably deserves it.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">~*~</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Kara being Kara, invites them to Clark’s game.It’s the last one of the <span class="GramE">year</span>
and yes, it is a Saturday.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Clark is practically vibrating in anticipation and Alex has
already hurt them both enough that she doesn’t even think about saying no.They pile into Eliza’s SUV since it’s already
warmed up and make their way to the rink.It’s packed already and Alex is on crutches so Eliza volunteers to take
Clark to the ice while Kara and Alex grab seats.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">It’s quite possibly the nicest thing her mother has done for
her.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Biting her lip, Kara reaches over and adjusts Alex’s scarf
for her as she hobbles towards the stands.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I’d heard that you fell, not that you got hit by a bus.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“It feels worse than it looks.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Not comforting,” Kara grumbles, carefully guiding Alex to a
free bench and letting her have the end seat.“How do manage to get yourself into such trouble?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I was chasing after <i>you.</i>”Alex defends herself.“Although I’m happy I got the concussion if
it means I get sympathy points.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Jerk.”Kara huffs
before gently wrapping her hand in the scarf and tugging Alex closer so she can
kiss her properly this time.It’s soft;
gentle and careful and not at all hinting towards anything more.Alex lets Kara lead because she’s already proven
that she’s terrible at such things.“I
need to know what this means to you.”Kara murmurs when they break apart.“Before anything else happens, I need to know if—”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I have feelings for you.”Alex confesses quickly.“A lot of
them.Like almost every feeling.And I want to see what that means for
us.I wanna date you and sing for you
and drop out of school cause I really fucking hate it there.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Yeah.”Kara chuckles.“I could tell.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“I have a meeting with Banshee Records on Monday.I’m not sure if music is gonna be my thing
but… well I’m young enough to figure it out right?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Right.”Kara agrees
tearfully.“Alex I’m so happy for you.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alex grins and busses a kiss to the tip of Kara’s nose.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Then will you go out with me?Be my girlfriend?For real this time?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Yeah.Yes.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Hey lady!”Nick, the
annoying little snot that he is, barrels towards the edge of the rink, nearly
taking himself out as he crashes into the boards waving at Alex.“You did it!You got a Christmas miracle!”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“<span class="SpellE">Uhhh</span>…”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Hi Nick!”Kara calls
back kindly with her own smaller wave.“I
did!Your magic worked!”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">He grins and dashes back to his friends.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Wait—” Alex nudges Kara and gestures at Nick.“You know him?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“<span class="GramE">Well</span> he is one of Clark’s friends.He asked me what I wanted for my Christmas miracle
and I said I wanted someone to be my partner in crime.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Laughing, Alex nudges their noses together.“Partner in crime huh?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“<span class="GramE">Well</span> they’re children Alex.Honestly!”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Room for one more?”Eliza asks, arms laden with even more stuff.Popcorn and drinks and cookies.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Kara scoots to make room and soon they’re settling down to
wait for the game to start.In the brief
interlude, Alex allows herself to take in the crowd, the many <span class="SpellE">many</span> Santa hats she <span class="GramE">sees</span> and the
random bursts of Christmas songs being bellowed by some child or parent.Mostly the parents.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">She laughs when she sees more than one dog dressed up as a
reindeer.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">All the little things she’d missed or taken for granted in
her own Christmas gloom now somehow standing out in stark contrast to
everything else.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Hey!Danvers!”Glancing up, Alex sees Maggie waving at her
from a few stands away.Kate is standing
next to her and Maggie is holding Kate’s left hand up and pointing to something
sparkling on her finger.“Look at us
adulting!”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">A bubble of happiness bursts free in her chest, a tinkling
laugh spilling over as Kara presses into her side and kisses her cheek.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“<i>Ladies and Gentlemen!”</i>The game announcer, an adorable kid who looks like they’re only like
ten and sounds like they’re trying their best to be Michael Buffer.“Let’s welcome the Ducks to the ice!First up is Nick Bari, Gina <span class="SpellE">Costella</span>, Hayden Johnson…”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Alex jolts up when Nick skates by her and <i>winks.</i>Was that a fucking <i>twinkle?</i></p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Kara,” she starts, knowing full well that what her brain is
thinking is just fucking ridiculous.“Is
Nick’s full name Nicholas?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Yeah, why?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“And his last name is Bari with an “I”?”She asks looking down at the pamphlet Eliza
had passed her earlier.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Yeah, why?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“<span class="GramE">So</span> his name is Nicholas Bari?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Yeah, why?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“As in <i>Saint</i> Nicholas of Bari?”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Laughing, Kara peers down at the pamphlet in Alex’s hand and
nods.“<span class="GramE">Yeah</span> I
guess so.That’s so nutty!His parents deserve so many cool points for
that!”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">“Uh yeah.”Alex nods and
mumbles the rest to herself.“Must just
be a happy coincidence.”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Kara smiles and kisses her cheek again before rejoining
Eliza’s conversation.</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">The ref gets the kids on center ice and holds up the puck as
the announcer loudly proclaims: “it’s game time folks!Merry Christmas!”</p>
  <p class="MsoNormal">Merry Christmas indeed.</p>
</div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So I had to head canon a lot of this, but in case anything wasn't clear: Jamie is Maggie's sister in this one, not her daughter.  Maggie sees her sporadically because of the parents kicking her out thing which is why she couldn't warn Alex sooner about Clark.</p>
<p>Clark is still a cousin but Kara's raised him since he was a baby.  Just like the El's intended.  Sillies.</p>
<p>Uh, Alex is a great musician and I listened to a lot of EOE for this so imagine that as Alex's band I guess?</p>
<p>uhhh... I think that's it?  The three good things?  Alex and Kara patching up, Alex and Eliza patching things up, and Maggie's engagement.</p>
<p>And yeah that little boy was Saint Nick for an extra dose of Hallmark cheesiness.</p>
<p>Lastly, I've only ever been to Boston for my College basketball games but they always make it look so pretty so that is where they are for this fic.  Merry Christmas everyone!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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